Cortney

When I first came to Thistle Farms, I had a lot to learn about myself, about the world. I was living in isolation and separation from my family and all the things that brought me joy in life because of what had happened to me. But even in my despair I was loved, though I wasn't open to receiving it. Loved enough that the father of my two sons reached out to a friend who is connected to Thistle Farms and got me into the program.  

I owe Thistle Farms my life. It changed the way I look at the world, the way I look at myself. I know now that I want to find a way to create that connect and inspire others - because connection is love. Here, you learn how important it is to love a person even more when they're down because someone did that for you and it made all the difference. You don't turn your back on them. When our community sees a sister walking down the road, looking like she hasn't had a bath in three days? We run toward those kind of people while others run away. We ask, "How can I help?" rather than pretend they aren't there.  

I am the human experience. I'm experienced in sorrow and in overcoming. I'm resilient, even though I never asked to be. But something I've learned is that those of us with trauma, when we are healing, are creative. We have a beautiful way of looking at the world because those little experiences that don't mean much to most people? Mean everything to us.  

I'm grateful to now be open to new experiences because I know it's all to teach me something. I just need to be open minded enough to receive it and grow from it - the good and the bad. The idea of that used to be so intimidating because I've never known what it felt like to love myself and be open to learning what the world has to teach me. But now it's exciting to not know what happens and be free enough to let go. The joy is in experiencing new things, regardless of whether I succeed or fail. It's truly living.  

I had gone through life thinking I was so weak, but I'm not. Everything I've gone through has taught me that I'm strong and compassionate, and that I'm in control of my life. No one else has the power. I know when to say no and what my boundaries are.  

Thistle Farms gives you all the tools...you just need to be willing to pick them up. You start going to these groups and classes right away where they begin telling you all of that, but sometimes you're checked out because you're still going through withdrawal. You're not ready yet, but you keep going. And finally, it just begins sinking in. And then you begin to internalize it, embrace it, and live it. It's not one moment of enlightenment that pulls it all together, just like it usually isn't any one, singular trauma that brings it all down in the beginning. It happens over time, the hurting and the healing. But the road ahead when you're healing is so much better. 

Kelly

Over the past two years, I've learned that I am way stronger than I thought I was. So much of my struggle with addiction came from feeling like I didn't know how to be everything that I wanted to be for everyone I loved, so I self-medicated to cope. But of course, that only hurt me and the people I love. 

Coming to that realization was life-changing and it happened here at Thistle Farms before I even entered the program. I had been working at The Cafe for about a year when I came to that last turn in the road we all come to eventually. I called Shelia and asked if I could come to the program because I knew if I turned in the other direction, I would lose everything. 

I was welcomed into the program and knew that meant leaving my family for two years. I didn't know how I could do it, but I walked into my bedroom that first night, fell to my knees, and gave myself up to what God had to teach me. 

And I have learned so much. Just as I've learned that I'm stronger than I realized, I've also learned to let go of the shame that can take over when you're struggling. It can keep you from moving forward, which is probably the point. But I was so tired of hiding and feeling shame, and eventually you come to understand you have to let it go or it will keep you in the same spot like an anchor. 

You don't really get it when you first come to the program because you feel like you're forced to go to groups and counseling; and that structure can be hard to get used to. But that's just the anchor trying to keep you in place. If you give in to that structure and community, you can get into the kind of routine where you have the freedom to figure out what you want from life. 

And what I want is to be the best Mom to my kids that I can be. I want to help others through the work I do. One of my goals is to speak in front of a crowd of people facing the same struggles that I have, and just let them know they are worthy. That's what this community did for me, and it changed everything. 

Kristy

After years of struggling with addiction, I was finally coming to a place where I was ready to make a change. And one day, a friend of mine who was a lawyer came to me and said, "Hey, there's a place called Thistle Farms and it's for women just like you." 

I didn't know there was a place for women like me. Usually, programs are just for addiction and not for women who have experienced human trafficking. But I was curious because I thought it was an actual farm and got kind of excited about that. I'm from the country and having an emotional support sheep sounded like fun. 

So another friend checked it out for me. She talked to people, looked it up online, and even brought my daughter up to the cafe to have some cookies. And when she came back to me, she said, "Kristy - this place is really great. You should do it." 

So I listened to her because I was finally ready. I stayed at the safe house for a couple of days at first because I knew I was done with the drugs. But at the beginning, I felt like I was still one foot in and one foot out because I didn't know for sure that I was done with the fast life. 

But when I got here, I actually let myself slow down for the first time in a very long time. Anytime life got hard in the past, I would run. But here, I learned how to stick and stay. And when I did that, I began to learn a lot - I realized that I am worthy. And that I can be proud of myself. That I can trust and love myself. 

Every day, I'm grateful. I get to meet the new women that come through the program and help them like everyone here's helped me. But I'm most excited about having another chance to be a Mom to my daughter. I get to be there for her as she's trying to figure out who she is and what life's about. I can give her real advice and be present for her, full-time. I'm so grateful that God brought me out of everything I was in and that I'm still here. 

Sam

I had found myself in front of a judge after a lifetime of hardships and hurt. When the judge began to speak, I had no idea what the next few minutes would bring, and I definitely didn't expect to be given a once in a lifetime opportunity. But after hearing my story and learning about the extent of the trauma I had suffered, she decided that maybe prison wasn't the best option. My judge is a Thistle Farmer and loves the work done here. So, my sentence was to complete the program. I wasn't ready for that. I was prepared for the worst, so it shocked me to be asked if I would like to do a two year program in Nashville where I could have a second chance.  

It was really hard to accept everything that was being offered to me. I was in survival mode at first, and all I wanted to do was reject the kindness that was being shown to me. I was sure that everyone would turn their back on me, but they just kept standing in my corner anyway. Then one day it hit me that maybe I could just stop fighting the love and kindness coming my way. I knew I didn't want to let this opportunity go and that I wanted to be a part of a community like this, but it was really hard at first and I fought it.  

But when I stopped fighting it? I felt a hundred times lighter. For so long, sobriety was uncomfortable and painful but now, I'm really grateful that I'm finally at a place where I'm okay with being sober and it doesn't hurt. I'm actually happy, and that is amazing. I look forward to waking up and coming to work here. I'm happy to see my coworkers and the customers - even on the bad days, because every day now is a better day.  

I've been able to learn that an important part of my healing process is practicing self-affirmations. It's actually one of the hardest things I've ever had to do - look in the mirror and say to myself, "I love you. I forgive you." and connect to that little girl who's still in me so she can feel safe. But learning to love yourself is so important, and will help you leave behind the things that don't serve you and hold you back from being happy.  

Now, I'm graduating and these two years feel like they went by so fast. Still, I'm continuing to dream and make plans for myself. I don't have a detailed list of goals or anything, but there are certain things I know I want. Simple things. I want peace and stability. I want to have a reliable car, a two bedroom apartment that I can decorate the way I want, and to be comfortable and safe. To be stable enough to be a mother to my daughter again. I'm looking forward to staying a part of this community and giving back.  

I'm still so amazed that something so tragic and traumatizing could turn into such a complete blessing. After always wanting to belong and never feeling like I did, I know where my place is now...and I'm looking forward to whatever the future holds. 

Shamika

I think back on my life in terms of episodes. In many of those episodes, I experienced a lot of loss, hurt, and pain. And I never really had the chance to heal from any one of those episodes - I just rolled into the next one and then the next one, without having the chance to pause and process. For so many of us, that stress will build up to the point that you can't manage the hurt on your own anymore. 

That was my life for a long while, but I finally got to the point where I knew things needed to change. This isn't my first time in the program. I was actually in the program in 2017 when the last eclipse happened here in Nashville - but it wasn't my time. 

When I came to Thistle Farms this last time, though, I was determined to do things differently. In the past, whenever I'd complete treatment or start the program, I would go right back to a situation and person that hurt me which led me to relapse and go right back into a life I was trying to hard to leave because even though that life and the person I was with caused me a lot of pain, I didn't know how to be whole by myself. But this time, I came directly from jail and told myself, "I'm doing this for me." 

And now it's 2024 and we just had another eclipse, and I can finally say, after coming to this program and getting out and coming to this program, that I'm about to graduate because I did it for me. 

That's been an important lesson to learn: that I'm okay by myself. That was never something I thought I could do before, but I've learned that I can make myself happy. 

I've also learned that if you just put in some work, things can happen that you never thought could happen - like getting my driver's license back and living on my own. If you can just take the first couple of steps, that'll help push you along the way. But you've got to put in the work and that doesn't mean that things will never be hard - but it does mean you can be proud of yourself because I've learned that I can get things done. I don't need the world to get things done for me - I can do the hard things and that's what makes my world better. 

Teresa

My path to Thistle Farms came by way of two things: a brain aneurysm and an ultimatum from my daughter. In 2019, I had an aneurysm and was out for three days in intensive care. They say most people don't make it, but I did. I just woke up and was ready to come home...I didn't have to relearn how to eat or walk or anything. It definitely shocked me that I could just walk away from something like that, but I still went right back to doing what I was doing, which was nothing good. Then my oldest daughter passed away in 2020 from a drug overdose, and my youngest daughter told me soon after that I could get straightened up or I could just stay away. My kids watched me go through so much, but then it got to the point that my grandkids had to see it - and I didn't like that. 

My daughter is good friends with a graduate of the program, Kristin, who told her all about Thistle Farms. I just thought I might get a job here, but Kristin had me come fill out an application for the residential program instead. 

I think God intervened that day and set things up so that I had to choose if I wanted to turn one way or another. And this time, I decided to take the better path. Now, I've got 2 years clean and it feels good. I've only ever been able to do 30 days here, 20 days there...but these two years? I'm not giving that up. 

This path has taught me a lot of things: that I'm more intelligent than I let on to others and myself. That I can do anything if I just try. Loving myself has been a harder lesson to learn, but I'm getting there and it starts with forgiving myself. I'm starting to do that work and forgive myself for a lot of the things I did, because I can't change any of it. I can either deal with the fact that it happened and let it go, or I can dwell on it. And I'm not going to dwell on it. That keeps you in a rut, right where you are, instead of moving forward. 

For me, moving forward means being a nana. I'm gonna go live with my daughter and help her when the baby comes. She's getting a little farm going and I figured since I wasn't in her life for a long time, I can help with my grandbaby. She's giving me a second chance to be a part of her life, and I'm going to take it. I don't know what's gonna come next in life, but this is my second chance with my family - there's nothing more important than that.