Here. Dressing. Gone.

These are the text messages I sent to my trafficker multiple times a day, My prison was hotel rooms, and fear was my constant companion. It’s curious what one thinks of in times like these, and I’m grateful for my ability to imagine myself somewhere else. 

Each day my prayer was to survive until the next. I did this by finding tiny beautiful miracles throughout the day. They came in the form of extra-fancy hotel shampoo, the sun warming a window allowing me to feel its bright light, the long-forgotten children’s songs that played through my head, or the Bible verse that I couldn’t quite remember the whole thing, but I did remember the part that says, “I know the plans I have for you.”

I clung to that. 

There were so many more and if I made a list of the things I am grateful for during that time, it would be endless. I still focus on finding those tiny miracles today, but I’ve come to realize the biggest one is me. For that, I’m most grateful. 

Bobbie

As a child, I was raised in a religious cult.

Girls were to wear long dresses to their ankles, sleeves to their wrists, and buns on top of their heads. No part of our bodies could show what was considered worldly or we would be thrown into the lake of fire. 

When I came to Thistle Farms, I was so broken -- I thought I was beyond repair. I didn’t believe in the concept that Love heals. How could it? I never knew love to give love. 

As time has passed, something inside of me has awakened. I am overwhelmingly drawn to the concept now that maybe, just maybe, love truly does heal everybody. In all my brokenness, I will be made whole. And now, I wake up every day humbly grateful.

Anonymous

My whole life I have been in abusive relationships.

All of them were physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive. I never knew anything other than being treated like I was nothing. I didn’t have any self-worth. All I was to those men was a toy that they could manipulate and use for their own personal agendas.  

When I entered the Thistle Farms Residential Program, I  started to work on myself and heal from my past. I was able to tap into a part of myself that I didn’t know existed. I learned how to love myself. I learned that I was a strong woman who deserved nothing but the best in this world. I didn’t need a man or anyone to validate me. I didn’t need the pain and suffering that I thought was the only way I was ever going to live.  

I am grateful for the past lessons of the horrible relationships. I  wouldn’t be as strong, courageous, and a total badass if it wasn’t for them and for me to learn from. I welcome the past lessons, as they have shaped and molded me into the woman I am today. I  know today that I can have a zero-tolerance policy for BS and that is okay. I am grateful for the gift to celebrate my past lessons today by holding my head and standards high.  

Anonymous

It started when I was 9 years old.

My sister, our parents, and I were hit by a drunk driver, and that wreck killed my sister, but I lived.

I have a scar from it on my elbow. A daily reminder that it should have been me. My other scar was from being cut on my upper arm with a steak knife. I have a scar on my forehead from being around the wrong people and a situation that ended with my getting a gun banged against my forehead. The scar that’s on my chest is a daily reminder of how stupid my decisions were in my early 20s, decisions that have led me to have heart surgery.

These are my survivor scars. Today I am not embarrassed or ashamed. I live in my body.

Kristina

It was a cold day 5 years ago.

I was on drugs and couldn’t stop and didn’t want to stop. I had grown up with drugs, and this was the world I knew.

Once in the middle of the night, I had a fight out in front of a crack house. I was shot in my lower back; then I shot my boyfriend, who died later. I went to jail and stayed in for three days. I ended up bonding out with my dad’s help.

He introduced me to a sister of Thistle Farms and that is how I found my way into the community. The women of the circle were such an inspiration to me and taught me how to let go of my past, accept the mercy offered to me, and grieve everything I loved that I had lost.

Tracey